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Do you have an ex who has been hanging around for years or a f*ckboy that’s been messing with your head? What about those people you text when you’re feeling lonely or bored or who you think you might be interested in someday? I call these people the “maybes:” the exes, previous dates, and “it’s complicated” relationships that didn’t work out the first time around, but you keep their number in your phone “just in case” or are hoping something will change.

If you’re too intimidated to approach the kind of woman you think you deserve, while still rejecting all the ones that show interest in you, you’re going to remain single for a long time. Serial dating happens when a guy hasn’t settled down to really understand what he wants in a woman. These types of guys approach almost every girl they see. They use external beauty alone as their metric for evaluating girls. They don’t have standards or virtues they want in a woman. Their focus is simply hoping to get laid. The problem with this approach to dating is that it often ends up frustrating and confusing you. It’s immature, and it’s an unrealistic way of finding a partner. You’ll most likely end up getting more rejections than you can handle.

Kind people are charming. You’ve probably heard the idea that if you want to get a good understanding of someone’s true nature, watch how they treat those who are in a lesser position, like service staff, waiters, etc. Everyone responds well to kindness. We all want someone who has a good heart, who is caring and empathetic. A man who treats others with kindness and respect shows his woman that he isn’t just nice to her because she’s pretty or because he wants something from her. It’s his nature, and she can count on him to be that to her anytime any day. And this assurance will make her feel safe with him. As the saying goes, your looks might capture people’s attention, but it’s your character that will keep them interested. Nothing on this list has to do with looks. Meaning, they are all learnable if you’re not implementing them already.

Avoid giving out your number until after the first date: Experts advise users who communicate on dating apps to avoid changing to direct text with their telephone. This is for safety reasons and because there is a high chance the date won’t materialize. Although it isn’t mannerly, the reality is that ghosting happens, and date plans sometimes aren’t finalized, texts are forgotten, or things turn platonic. So, schedule the first date directly on the dating app platform. Once you’ve met in person, and if you feel comfortable and connected, then consider exchanging numbers and/or social media platforms.

FYI: Being alone is a good thing. A single relationship status or even just time spent on our own allows us to turn inward, explore our truest desires, and get to know ourselves better. When we know ourselves and what we want, our dating lives become more fulfilling, successful, and fun. Any amount of time alone can be invested to understand what we want out of a partner, but more importantly, it can make us feel so whole we don’t need a partner. Let me go on a quick tangent about a few outdated dating rules that we really should ditch, like, yesterday. To start, my least favorites of all dating rules are “Don’t kiss on the first date” and the “Three-date rule.” Let’s just throw out any rules that imply that what you want to do with your body and when you want to do it are not up to you. Make your own rules based on comfortability and what you’re feeling.

Since it can be very challenging to examine yourself in this way, I highly recommend working with a dating coach. An unbiased third party can not only help you to identify what your current baggage is and why you’re still struggling with it, but also offer clear-cut advice on what you need to do to move past it. When new clients come to me unsure of why they keep accidentally sabotaging their own dating chances, I can often tell right away what baggage is getting in their way. Once you’re ready to really take a good look at your destructive beliefs and thought patterns, you can start replacing those with healthier and positive alternatives that will make you a more attractive, emotionally strong, and desirable partner.

For instance, working with a matchmaker can be a game-changer. I can help get to the bottom of what your real dating priorities, values, and dealbreakers are, and then connect you with other like-minded singles who actually complement your lifestyle. Moreover, I help to separate your needs from your wants, which is a crucial exercise for setting realistic expectations and ultimately, finding happiness. If you aren’t ready to work with a matchmaker or can’t afford one, consider asking a trusted friend, sibling, or coworker if they know any single people they think would be a good match for you. Who knows? You may just be surprised that the people who know you best have a better picker than you do — because they can see from an unbiased perspective what it is you really need from a partner.

Finding the right person with whom you can share your life has never been an easy process. While connecting to individuals has become a bit more convenient thanks to online dating platforms and social media, dating is still a fairly complex process. One common myth is that there is a perfect person out there for everyone and that finding the person will lead to a fairytale ending of living happily ever after. In contrast, relationships require work and compromise from both partners and ultimately, the most important thing one can do when dating is to be authentic and open to the possibility of building a meaningful connection with someone who shares the same values and interests.

Don’t…leave everything to ‘fate’. Yes, it’s true you cannot force love and relationships, but if you don’t make any effort there is nowhere for love to grow from. It’s important to be resilient and continue to put yourself out there in healthy ways. Do…go with the flow! It’s important not to put too much pressure on expected outcomes. Let things develop naturally and if they don’t, let things be natural too. Don’t…be too hung up on dating rules. Believe it or not, there are no wrongs or rights. If you want to kiss on the first date, go ahead. If you don’t feel comfortable getting too close that’s okay too! Know what’s right for you and communicate it to your date in a polite and friendly way.